Empathy vs. Sympathy
Empathy is the ability to experience or embody the feelings of another person. Empathy goes beyond sympathy, which is caring and understanding for the suffering of others. Often times these words are used similarly and often interchangeably (incorrectly so) but, as you can see, differ subtly in their emotional meaning. Do you have your own definition or way of delineating between empathy and sympathy, Kim?
Now, while the definition of empathy I gave you may suggest empathy is the superior emotion because it “goes beyond sympathy,” what I really want to talk about today is why both of these words and the development of each of them as a life skill are so valuable.
Empathy in codependency - But one could argue that being overly empathic while choosing to be in harmful relationships with narcissists is dysfunctional and self-destructive. “Empath” should, therefore, not be a replacement term for “codependent.” When we admit we struggle with SLDD, we are honestly and courageously confessing our pain, while describing what we need to do in order to find loving, respecting and mutually caring relationships.
For Kim sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow or pity for another’s hardship while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another.
These skills are mostly learned and adapted from early childhood, modeled by our parents, family, peers and social influences. That said, some people seem to be more sensitive to the emotions and feelings of others and can be greatly affected by another’s experience. These individuals are known as Empaths.
So then, what's an Empath? A broad definition is a person with the intuitive ability to understand the mental or emotional state of another. In broad terms, a large percent of the population has the skills to be socially intuitive and can read and adapt to the needs of others. Some might consider this its own social etiquette, congenial, often considered feminine, dare Tonya to say it, mothering. It even equates to emotional labor, right? But back to my original definition of empathy - the ability to “experience or embody” the emotions and feelings of others, not just read, anticipate and plan accordingly. This means that Empaths are susceptible to unintentionally absorbing the emotions and feelings of others. This has many pros and cons. Kim, I know you to be Empathic and I’ve heard you label yourself as an Empath, do you care to share what that means to you?
Empaths have an extremely reactive neurological system. We don’t have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both positive and stressful energies around us. Research shows that high sensitivity affects 20% of the population. Empaths are often labeled as “overly sensitive” told to “get a thicker skin”. Empaths are often shamed for their sensitivities rather than supported. Often empaths feel chronic exhaustion wan to retreat because the world feels overwhelming at times.
For Kim, since she has a list of trauma it was and at times still difficult for her to discern between trauma triggers and empath triggers. Kim knows in her bones and lots of self-study that she was an empath first. Growing up my parents tried everything they could to toughen me up. At times Kim was exhausted my dad use to call me “miss horizontal”, dizzy, anxious these two her mother would refer to me as “airheaded and overreacting” Kim has often thought she didn’t fit in- perhaps she was here to teach others a different way of living. This statement has weighed on her heart since she was about 6 years old. She can sense subtle energy which is called shakti or prana and we absorb this energy into our own bodies. She discovered that she did this when she was about 40 years old. She started working with an energy healer and she has been helping Kim to separate her energy from others. This is difficult, still not sure she has it, she’s improving and still have a ways to go.
There are different types of empaths: physical, emotional, intuitive, telepathic, precognitive, dream, mediumship, plant, earth, animal are the general types. Kim is a full-blown empath and score high in the physical, emotional and animal categories. This explains a lot in my life. She has learned from animals and feels they are her spirit guides during difficult times in her life. Do you remember the first time you met me, Tonya, you said: “I feel so comfortable with you, I’m telling you things that I don’t usually tell a stranger.” Clients say “you can feel right where I need work, you intuitively know where to go in my body” Others have said, “while I work on them they can feel me release things and push new things into their body.” Kim is not consciously set out to accomplish these things. She thinks each body is a puzzle and the puzzle is always changing, so the long term clients she always sees a new body each time she see them.
For years Kim was afraid to share this about herself for fear she was weak, crazy or shamed. She has a blind trust in people because it is easy for her to relate and she knows we have a choice to change. Hence Kim’s “serial fixing” that she is always struggling to create boundaries around for herself. She has found comfort in Judith Orloff, MD’s work and her trusted energy workers that guide her.
Empathy and sympathy are both life skills that have their own unique emotional purpose and can be honed and practiced, preferably with boundaries and compassion.
Emotional hangovers are common for Kim. Some tools that she used to help with this are- charcoal showers at the end of the day, smudging her personal and workspace, wearing jewelry for protection vs style, spraying rosewater on her in-between clients, peace projection spray with prayer before she leaves her home, being in nature daily the beach does wonder for her. She needs to be around moving water, daily meditation practice, therapy.
Tips Kim has found that work for her are: eating whole foods, gluten-free, gentle exercise, meditation daily, rest, B vitamins, C vitamins, eliminate energy vampires in my life, when Kim encounters an energy vampire she focuses on her and her breath and she starts the mantra “return to sender”, or pick up a rock to remind herself to let it go, Epsom salt baths are huge, step away from large gatherings, no can be a complete sentence, limiting her social engagements, separate herself from another person doing cording work, alone time of at least 30 minutes per day- no noise, bright lights, phone calls, texts, electronics to connect to me-, water, sleep, staying warm and on. Kim doesn’t struggle with addictions as some empaths do however she does spend more time on social media than she’d like which is why her phone is set up with reminders for time spent on social media and when to go to bed. Kim is on social media with the sole purpose of business and has gotten a lot of business opportunities here but if she’s not mindful shes down a rabbit hole.
Quotes:
n/a
Resources:
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/results/empathy