Episode 9: Shit can Get Real - Ways to cope with grace, and find self-acceptance when you don’t.
Let’s face it, shit happens! Shit happens all the time to each and everyone of us and yet we are so often drawn toward: a)pretending we’ve got it all figured out, b) thinking everyone else but us has it figured out, c) curating our public image to appear as though we do have it together while we’re secretly falling apart, or d) stick our heads in the sand and try to ignore it all
How can we be more authentically open about our shit as we’re handling it?
How can we be more accepting of ourselves and others when copping isn’t as easy or graceful as we’d like it to be?
This podcast is a lesson in vulnerability - when we share our vulnerability with others it is a language we can all understand; it doesn’t mean that it has gotten easier, for example, this platform is on such a large scale it’s still very scary for us both.
For Kim it is having the courage to take the mask off, to give herself permission to fail, to build connection with others.
KIm met Brene Brown at a leadership conference when her first big book was coming out “Dare Greatly”. “She gave me permission to look at shame, guilt, blame it was very freeing. As she says at some point your reckoning will Compean dI. Feel like my 40’s have been that for me.”
Having trouble sitting with all of your emotions? Here are some tools to help: Mindfulness, R.A.I.N. method, taking a time out, finding a personal practice of yoga, meditation, mantra, art - keep it kind/compassionate, accepting only what you can control and relinquish control of those that you don’t, practicing detachment, journaling, talk therapy and so on.
As much as we’re not a fan of the word “ritual” we have found that there are certain things we cannot live without - Kim: 15 minutes of stillness; a daily read; headstand; charcoal soap shower; talk therapy; hot tea; some twists and backbends and so on. Tonya: connection to nature, family, alone time, regular asana practice & mantra meditation, talk therapy and music.
What about when you don’t react/respond with grace/kindness?
What do you do after you lose your shit?
Look at losing your shit as an opportunity to grow and area of darkness to uncover and shine light into it. It is important to identify that we aren’t supposed to be this even keel of happy, comfort, and grace all the time.
We are human beings that feel a range of emotions and life is really about finding a way to let them all in and hold space for all of them.
Practice being as compassionate with yourself as you are with those closest to you.
Look for moments when you hold a different belief for others and hold a harsher higher standard for yourself. Work on those because you’re really worth the same belief, standards, kindness and love that you extend to others - extend it to yourself first!
Show Resources:
What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication https://www.amazon.com/dp/1930485247/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_7y9PBbJG9G3JR
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007P7HRS4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_pA9PBbWSNN351
Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame https://www.amazon.com/dp/0712601457/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_yC9PBbGCR88NZ