Episode 26: The Importance of Ego - when to lose it and when you need it

Are you tripping or stripping? Do you strive to be a life-long-learner? Mastery is a fluid and consistent practice. Today we  came face to face with our ego while creating this episode.This summer we initially decided to discuss ego and, oops, once we got rolling, we discovered we didn’t have as much information as we’d thought.  We came back to the topic months later after a little further research and self exploration and decided sharing both episodes provides our listeners with a little behind the scenes footage and illustrates our process of “getting dirty” while we grow.  Additionally, it's been a meditation on our own ego work to release some audio that we chose not to listen to until it was released publicly. Turns out, it wasn't terrible.

Here’s the notes - Enjoy!

Kim lives very differently from my family of origin. Kim has different belief systems. When they make flip comments such as “Your bossy - I see it as advocating” “Your a liberal - I see it as compassion and love for humanity” “You live in fancy life is about your bank account - I see it as mindfulness, spirituality.” When these comments are made I often times feel deeply hurt, self-deprecate, go to past hurts, feel angry, need to talk it out to restore my peace, etc. these are all trips of my ego. I could laugh these family quips off, but my mind goes back to old patterns and I attaché to judgment and my mind fills in the rest.I could choice to face and replace- It’s true I wear my heart on my sleeve, great they don’t mind if I make it home and I can choice to be free,  I’m not responsible if they find me bossy perhaps next time I can help them express their truth more.” Ego tripping can be when your lens becomes a veil of old pain in which you see the world from. It is difficult and always a conscious choice to not judge and to listen. I am always learning to slow down and really get curious about what I am seeing and hearing.

Tonya discusses the different definitions of ego and ways in which it is most commonly used in our culture.

the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

Psychoanalysis . the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.

egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.

self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.

( often initial capital letter ) Philosophy .

  1. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.

  2. Scholasticism . the complete person comprising both body and soul.

Ethnology . a person who serves as the central reference point in the study of organizational and kinship relationships. (Dictionary.com, 2019).

Rick van Asperen talks a lot about learning to ego strip he even has a egotest to see if you are tripping or stripping.He talks about the 10 most common ego trips and then offers suggestions on ego stripping. Here are a couple that I struggle with on his 10 most common list: Ego Trip-It is selfish to want to fulfill my own needs. Ego Strip-Fulfilling my own needs creates room and freedom for myself and for other people. Ego Trip- When I have completed this or that, I can have a rest. Ego Strip- Rest is not the last time on the agenda, but a time for me to gain inspiration and look at the world with more clarity.  Ego Trip- I have to prove myself. Ego Strip- If I focus on my own abilities, strength and talents, I don’t have to compete with others. Basically our persona is a complex construction of thoughts and convictions that are not based on reality, but on our idea of ourselves. The tripping ego betrays itself though: thoughts, sensitivities, behavior, sound (what you say), posture, goods and money. We make up stories about ourselves based on what we heard in our childhood. We all carry this baggage. Rick says that ego trippers live the life that people expect of them. Ego stripping is a way to break through that and find out what your real needs are.

Fail hard, fast and often so you can grow with graceful success. A man’s best friend is a thrifty tongue.  Get out of your head and don’t live in the haze of the abstract and get into reality. Work, Grow, Work, Grow - be a craftsman on your talent/ purpose. - Ryan Holiday

Show Resources:

The Yoga-Sutra of Patañjali: A New Translation and Commentary https://www.amazon.com/dp/0892812621/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_l8poCb3RAPZDE

Ego Is the Enemy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591847818/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_38poCbFB0EPE6

http://www.happinez.com/ Ego Stripping by Lisette Thooft  Issue 12 pages 112-118

Call Them by Their True Names: American Crises (and Essays) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608469468/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_RCZqCb6W51HX

Tonya Drew